A CARPARK, CANBERRA – 2:25pm
Floydos! What’s happening?
At this very moment, I am sitting on the kerb next to my car at the Canberra centre car park.
Keeping it street, nice… How’s the day treating you so far?
It’s been awesome. Had a great day at work, finished up at lunchtime and then all I’ve had to do is a whole lot of fuck-all.
I’m under the impression your job involves high-vis…
It does actually. I do air-conditioning. It’s mostly commercial stuff, but I do a bit of residential stuff here and there.
We were lined up to talk the other day, but you forfeited due to ‘being too dusty’. What brought on said dustiness?
It was my girlfriend’s 21st birthday and the level of dustiness involved still being in bed at 4 in the afternoon. So on a scale of 1 to 100 I’d say it was at about 200.
Pizza in bed kind of day?
I do believe we ordered Uber Eats at least 3 times that day. I also made her do a shoey in front of her entire family, so that might also explain levels of dustiness. Actually, fuck, I did one too.
She did it out of mine and then I followed [Laughs]
It’s like Cinderella with a Canberra twist.
[Breaks in to song] If ya like it then ya should have put a shoe on it!!!
You Canberra boys have a long history of loving a good, boozy ole time. Is it something in the water down there?
I think it has a lot to do with the weather. Most people choose to come here in summer when it’s really hot, so everyone is really thirsty. Either that or its winter and it’s too cold to go outside so you just stay at the pub.
It’s been sad to see the institution KambahPalooza hasn’t gone down in a few years. How would you explain KambahPalooza to someone who hasn’t experienced it?
Oh shit, how can I put it? KambaPalooza; it’s a whole lot of fun, a whole lot of naked boys and lots of playing around on skateboards out the front of a house on a dope 3 stair rail.
How did the neighbours feel about having the festival circuit come to town?
[Laughs] Well, the next-door neighbor was a uni student, and she was a massive bong head so she absolutely loved it. She came out and offered everyone cones and then just smoked them in front of everyone.
“KambaPalooza; it’s a whole lot of fun, a whole lot of naked boys and lots of playing around on skateboards out the front of a house on a dope 3 stair rail.”
Tell me about your love affair with Eden, the town not the biblical garden.
Just like Canberra, everyone in Eden is just real keen to get real drunk. So that in itself is very attractive.
Is it like the Byron Bay of Canberra, or do people just love it because Reece (Warren) lives there?
Anywhere else on the coast tends to be a bit upper class.
Whereas Eden loves a bit of mongrel…
Exactly! And as you know, us bogans love to stick together [Laughs]
Hallelujah brother! I assume you’ve been out on Reece’s boat?
Last time I was down there, Reece and me drove back from Melbourne together and I ended up sticking around for a few days. We went out one day and both of us bagged out on snapper – which is like 10 each. He also got a Kingy, which he ended up letting me take home , cos I was real keen on it. We got some flat head too. He knows what he’s doing.
Being a sponno’d dude and all, would you consider yourself a hot chance for the Olympics?
Oh, 100%. I’m already training, have been for 3 years in my front yard.
The one with the 3 stair rail?
Nah, got a new place now, with a kerb out front. It’s fuckin sick
I assume it’s all Australian institute of sport certified?
Nah mate, this one’s off the grid.
The winged keel of kerbs… Other than skateboarding, what other events do you think you might take a shine to?
Do they have fishing?… Probably not, but if they did I’d be right in to that. River fishing, just your average fishin’ down the river off the bank vibes. With a VB poured in to a Monster energy drink can.
I wonder what the fishing’s like in Tokyo?
It’d have to be better than what they’d be catching up in North Korea.
If you were tasked with designing the official Australian Olympic mascot, what would you run with?
I reckon I’d go with a Russell Coight type character. Just an all Aussie adventure man, with a big southo’ cross tattoo and a heap of gold medals around his neck to get everyone pumped!