I just got back from the 2009 Farm Race that Joe Iacovelli and Billy Tway have been running for the past NINE YEARS. The Farm Race is the oldest consecutively running slalom race in the world. And if fun, family and FOOD are an attraction to you, come next year for the TENTH and you'll find out for yourself.

If taking over the slalom world is you game, bring it: the Farm Race points go towards your national rating and it attracts top international racers and it's a freaking FAST course. Being too rusty, I passed on it.

Farm Trivia: French Canadians can speak french! Very intimidating. That would be enough but the bastards are also wicked-fast racers and cutting-edge manufacturers (check out & BUY a Full Bag). They also play to win and they're a blast to party with. Another reason against Canadian succession-ism: the English Canadians need the class & speed.

And the races that looked most annoying on paper turned out to be the most fun. The kids race was a blast with, not surprisingly, a LOT of kids. It was wonderful and the prized money for them was sponsored by Cat Young from Nor Cal. Which is very cool, Kitty.

The The Chinese Down Hill was a RIOT: a group running-start to your boards, hit the decks running and push your heart out. The winner distinguishes himself by picking up an open beer can at the finish line. Did you know that beer cans explode when they come in contact with a moving body going 35 MPH? If you look up cluster-f**k in the dictionary, it says Chinese Downhill.

And the catamaran race, which sounds the wankest of all was the last and funniest race: picture 2 people crotch-to-crotch trying to navigate a slalom course. I'll skip the S&M mash-up analogy and cut to the chase.

If that was not enough, they fed us lunch, brought everyone back to Tways house; fed them dinner, Hooker Beer; killer margaritas; dessert including fresh blueberry pie, New England-style and invited everyone to pitch a tent in Tway's yard. It was like freakin Woodstock on wheels.

For my part, I can't believe how sophisticated the racing equipment has gotten. The teeny world of slalom racing have left the street guys & vert guys in the dark ages here.

Thanks to Tway & Joe for including me and my 2 dogs in their mix. The older one slept for 25 hours straight. But she was also sitting next to the keg of HOOKER beer at the party.